Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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