not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
