some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
