We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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