I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
