Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
