evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
only if we run a train.
done.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
