why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
