i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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