dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize