The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
