is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
