onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize