when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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