they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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