dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
