I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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