i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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