if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
