Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
