I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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