we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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