What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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