oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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