no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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