I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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