And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
