when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize