Where did you get a picture of my penis
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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