Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
