There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
