The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
