so explain again why im purple
no
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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