I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
