My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
