is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
pop tarts are not kleenex
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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