This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
