i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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