Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
