This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
