apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
