Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
