no, he came in my armpit
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
