is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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