cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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