My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
