eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
