i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
