I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
