I faked an abortion last night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
