we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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