He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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