Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
