just survived the first fart of the relationship.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
