I think my fart just growled at me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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