I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
