you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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