Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
