some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
