well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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