wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
