yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
