Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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