i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
