Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
