Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
