She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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