She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
