I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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