I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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