I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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