other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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