He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
