rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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